Our Story

Every time I drive by the dealership on 15/501 my mind is swarmed with memories of that cold December morning. You see, I had stopped by there to test drive a station wagon my husband and I had seen a few days before. The gentlemen there we’re so kind. They had me wait inside while the wagon was warming. While waiting around, I asked the famous pregnant woman question: “Where’s the restroom?”. I was taken by surprise to find that I had been bleeding. Now I had a little bleeding during the beginning of my pregnancy, so I wasn’t too worried. I called my husband and by then I was boohooing. The poor men at the dealership weren’t quite sure what to do, and how do you tell a bunch of men that you are bleeding, and that you and your baby could be in danger. I had my husband call the nurse, the nurse talked with the doctor, then the nurse called me. I sat there for what seemed like forever.

After talking with the nurse she gently told me to come on in, go on up to Labor and Delivery and we’ll just check things out to make sure everything is ok. So, I left the dealership and headed to UNC. My husband borrowed a friend’s truck from work and met me there.

I found out later that the answers I had given to my nurse, said in BIG RED LETTERS…”LABOR – She’s in Labor. Get her to the hospital now”. Shortly after my arrival I was hooked up to all sorts of things. IV’s here, monitors there, drugs for me and drugs for the baby. We weren’t quite ready for what we were about to hear. They told me I was dilated to 6 cm and was contracting every 6 min. Then we were told that today was the day our baby would arrive. After receiving my first dose of steroids and with the hope of a second one the following day, reality seemed to start setting in. There wasn’t anything we could do…it had to all be given to the Lord. When the doctors came back an hour or so later to check me, I had fully dilated. The baby was coming and coming soon.

The swarm of faces in the delivery room came as a surprise to me. There were Drs. and Nurses, and a full NCCC team. Even though the sight was overwhelming, I found comfort knowing that each of them was playing a VERY important role in the survival of my baby. I’m pretty sure not a word was said as I delivered. We were all waiting in silence. There are no words to explain how we felt, as we heard the silence broken with such a tiny little cry. She gave it all she had but it wasn’t quite enough. She was intubated and taken to the NCCC.

Because I had an easy delivery, I was discharged within a couple of days. Leaving Elizabeth behind was so difficult for me. I remember the lonely ride down to the lobby, down the bare halls of the old hospital; I had all the pink flowers and a big balloon but no baby. You get all kinds of questions like, “Oh did you just have a baby? Congratulation! Where is she?” Then you have to try to explain…which is next to impossible. I remember on our way down Hospital Dr. the tears just started to flow, I was leaving with out my baby, lots of questions, and not enough answers.

The two months that followed were an emotional rollercoaster. Looking back I now see how the Lord had protected my heart.

Being at home without her seemed so lonely. And if there weren’t enough things to stress me out…I had to pump around the clock, getting only a few little drops, look at a nursery which wasn’t near completed, all the while knowing that Christmas was around the corner and I hadn’t done a thing. I did finally get around to decorating for Christmas that year. I had hoped Elizabeth would be home by then and could enjoy the lights and the sounds of the seasons with our family. Although, she wasn’t home in time, I’m so thankful I have such a lenient husband…He let me keep the Christmas stuff up until she came home (at the beginning of Feb)!

There is so much more I could share with you about Elizabeth’s stay, but greater things were still to come.

Just one month after Elizabeth got to come home, we found out we were expecting again. Wow! Is that even possible? I guess so! There were some initial fears that this would happen again. This time around my dr. visits were more often all along. When I was at my 27^th week I asked jokingly when my next ultrasound would be because I had never seen a baby in-utero past the 27 week mark. I was told they don’t typically do another one. I guess I looked sad because the dr. said, “you really want one don’t you?” I said yes. Well, the following week at my ultrasound it appeared that my uterus had started to thin and my cervix was at 1 cm. Because of my history, and silent dilations, I was sent right to the hospital for my 1^st steroid shot. I was then sent home and was to return the following day for shot # 2.

After getting my 2^nd shot, they said I was free to go home. Did I go? NOPE. I told them that I wasn’t going anywhere until I was check again. Well, what do you know? I had dilated to 4cm overnight. It just so happened that I had packed bags in my car…I guess you could call it women’s intuition. Straight to the 5^th floor I went…bed rest. I was expected to deliver by the end of the week…did I? Nope…I spent 54 days at UNC kickin’ it up with the nurses on the 5^th floor. My mother flew in to live with me at the hospital so Elizabeth could stay with me and my husband could keep somewhat of a normal schedule.

As the weeks continued to pass, my hopes of going home with this baby grew higher and higher. When I delivered at 36 weeks…all I could say was wow…of course you know those “puney white boys,” they sure do cause a lot of trouble. Andrew too made is trek to the NCCC. Letting go this time, was easier because I had been through it once before. But it was also much harder leaving without him. Knowing that he was considered full term and that we had waited so long for him to arrive, my hopes were shattered when he had to stay. I knew deep inside that this is the way it needed to be. He needed to stay in order to get better. It turns out he had Respiratory Distress Syndrome. It would take a min. of 7 days of antibiotics for it to clear. That was the longest & probably hardest 7 days I’d had in a while. I wanted so badly for him to be able to attend his big sisters 1^st birthday, and meet her for the first time.

The emotions I felt leaving with out Andrew were so very different than when I had left Elizabeth. I’d been through it all once before. Why again? Why me? I not only had a one year old to care for at the house, but myself after the delivery, and throw in pumping again, and arranging childcare so I could go see my boy. Day 7 came sooner than I thought, and it was time to room in with Andrew. When I arrived, I was told he had bradyed, and that it was customary that they wouldn’t let a baby go home until they’d been brady free for 8 days. That’s when I lost it. I think every emotion that had or had not been released from both pregnancies all came out that day. I cried and cried and just held my son. I pretty much decided that there is no way that this could happen. He was born at 36 weeks, had a little RDS, took some antibiotics, and was doing great! I had lots of experience having delivered and cared for a 27 weeker, “O please let him come home.”

Soon after we all came home, I noticed sadness and a yearning in my soul. I know lots of ladies deal with depression after their deliveries, but this was different. I finally realized that I actually missed the hospital, For the past year it was all I knew. A 2 month stay with Elizabeth in the NCCC, Prenatal care bi-weekly until 28 weeks, 54 days AntePartum, 5^th floor Womens’, Wendy’s Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers, and another NCCC stay.

You know those annoying alarms that go off on the warmer beds? Du Du Du Du dududu. I realized that having spent so much time in the NCCC, those alarms had become music to my ears. Strange as it may seem, I asked my delivery nurse to LET THE WARMER BED RING! It brought a sense of comfort to my soul. So many memories were wrapped up in that one little chime.

I couldn’t let those memories die off too soon, because when Andrew was 4 months old, we found out…we were expecting again. And yes, I was breastfeeding, and yes, that is typically a natural birth control but apparently it doesn’t work on me. This time around…they sewed up my cervix…this baby was going to stay in until the end of time and it was going to come home with me from the hospital…so we thought.

Jacob Alexander was born at 37 weeks and 6 days. We had finally made it FULL TERM! Everything was wonderful. Easy delivery once again, I finally got to put my baby immediately to the breast, we spent 3 hours getting to know one another as a family while they prepped my 5^th floor home :o) My husband got to push the baby to the 5^th floor, It was like a dream. We were so very excited. Not too long after we got settled, here come the white coats. Jacob was in the NCCC. I’d like to think that Jacob just put on a show knowing that he would be pestered all his life for being the only Dupree who hadn’t worn a CPAP. He too spent a week vacationing at UNC.

You’d think I’d have this mastered by now, but leaving your child, now matter how many you’ve left before, doesn’t get any easier.

I wrote a short poem I’d like to share with you now.

Without Baby

“Bringing Home Baby” and “A Baby Story” too

Are always so perfect; do they have a clue?

Not every birth is as happy as can be.

Not every baby goes home with their family

I’ll tell you the truth; it’s not a lot of fun

To leave your baby in the hands of just anyone.

All three of my children, I’ve had to leave behind

You would think it would get easier over time.

Easier is not the way I’d describe

Those feelings I felt deep inside.

Experiencing feelings of doubt, disbelief, and fears

Were all too often shed through my tears.

Leaving my baby, Oh the precious little child

And only getting to see them for a little while.

As soon as they’re born they’re whisked right away

To a very special place; could it be Pod E, B, or even Pod A?

Visits with Drs. and nurses each day

Leave you yearning more and more to pray,

That your baby would survive through the night

To awake in the morning, even if it’s to the Billy lights.

It’s such a struggle to be as strong as you can

All the while trusting this is God’s plan.

While at home you see the nursery so bare

You wonder when your baby will be there.

Days turn into months and sometimes even more

Will all this waiting continue as before?

There does come a day when the waiting is through

The day your baby comes home with you.

Your tears don’t necessarily end there

For there are memories, and pictures everywhere

Emotions will come and go your way

Especially when you see your little one play

For this little one who once was so small

Is here with you once and for all.

- Misty Dupree